The problem with doing what your parents did (or the exact opposite!)

26 Nov The problem with doing what your parents did (or the exact opposite!)

Now often doing exactly what was done to us when we were growing up works just fine. Or does it? If your family is struggling right now this might be one of the Big Mistakes that you’re making. Or you may realise your parents made some big mistakes and as a result you might be doing the exact opposite or overcompensating.

Here’s an example; –

Mary and Peter grew up in the same area but were from quite different family situations. Peter grew up as an only child and has developed into a confident, direct and dominant man. His father had a tendency to be quite authoritarian. Mary, on the other hand, was from a family where the children were somewhat over protected but not really encouraged and they felt as though their best wasn’t good enough.

20 years later when Mary and Peter have their own children, Mary is determined to bring her kids up totally different to her own experience. Meanwhile Pete wants to bring his kids up exactly the same as he was brought up.

Different Children, Different Times

Times change, the kids are completely different people and the opportunities and pressures are different. The problem tends to be that this process of doing what was done to us  (or the opposite) is largely unconscious and is not tailored to the current situation or the individual child. Of course sometimes it works, but with families in crisis this is often one of the big mistakes that parents are unconsciously making.

Sometimes it’s hard to acknowledge but what we’re doing just isn’t working. Do you agree that we’ve all got a part to play in every interaction we have with another person and especially our children? If your child’s behaviour is something you’re struggling with right now, I’m here to help you.

I’d love to hear your comments.